MY FIRST STAND-UP GIG:
SOMEHOW, I CAME SECOND.

On 17 August 2026, I did my first-ever stand-up gig. It was not a gentle open mic in the corner of a quiet pub. Obviously, I chose an audience-voted competition where people could decide whether I was allowed to continue.

A very sensible first choice

The format involved surviving an initial round, reaching a semi-final and then—if the audience had not grown tired of you—the full final. Most of the other performers had considerably more experience. I was the only complete newcomer to reach both later rounds.

I had spent the run-up imagining every possible way it could go wrong. Forgetting everything. Speaking at the speed of an auctioneer. Discovering halfway through that the jokes only worked inside my own head. The usual relaxing thoughts.

Rain, dreams and deeply suspicious cheese

I opened by playing with my surname. Being called Jess Lord provides useful material when the weather has forgotten how rain works. From there, I moved into weird dreams: the sort you wake up from and immediately feel compelled to describe to somebody who absolutely did not ask.

That took me towards cheese dreams, then towards the personalities of different cheeses, and eventually to Babybel. There are layers. There are tiny fishnets. There is an unnecessarily theatrical unwrapping process. I maintain that the evidence speaks for itself.

The moment it became real

Every time I was voted through, the possibility of doing stand-up stopped feeling hypothetical. I was not merely surviving. People were following the ideas, seeing the same ridiculous images and choosing to hear more.

Finishing second was astonishing, but the useful discovery was that I wanted to go back onstage. Immediately. I had expected relief when it ended. Instead, I felt hungry for another room, another audience and another chance to make the set stronger.

What happens next

More five-minute spots. More writing. More learning how a line that looks perfect on the page changes when it meets an actual audience. I want to build a reliable set, try material outside the pressure of a competition and become part of the Midlands comedy circuit.

I am one gig into this, so I am not pretending to have discovered the secret of stand-up. I have, however, discovered that beginning with second place is an excellent way to develop delusions of grandeur.